The road is long and sometimes hard

It's hard to pick up momentum, when you're doing a study
like this. Introspective induction studies are commitments
that often are excruciating. If I'm having a bad day, I'd rather
spend my Bible time in fluffy psalms, than the Book of Revelations.

No matter what mood I'm in when I approach this book,
makes it any easier. I almost black out from too much
information, and a complete dark cloud hides the sun
and it's hard to describe the fatigue. It's not like any
other kind of depression, or PMS. It's hard to cheer
when you see the end of the world.

In fact, it feels terrible.

I confess this to our Lord, because it is a rebellious
attitude I have. If I had the faith that I would
love to possess, I would be elevated by so many
prophecies unfurling, everywhere. It's like
those holy synchronicity sequences, which feel
good, at first, but, after two or three days, are not
pleasurable.

I love prophecy, God's mystery, and most of all,
I love Christ, more than any other thing. I love
my dad and my cats, but, the love I have for
Jesus supercedes my love of life itself. I want
to be where he is. I want to always see him.
I am terrified that I am not saved. I am
terrified that he'll turn me away, tell me
shoo, go away.

I pray most of all, to be faithful to the truth,
and to learn from the Holy Spirit. I pray that
he is more, and I am less. I am so serious.

All my senses can perceive ecstasy as he
comes closer, yet, I can't see him. On grey
and cold, rainy days, like today, I can't
feel him, and that's when I'm crushed by
a fatigue and depression.

It's a holy roller coaster ride, and while
I may be somewhat manic-depressive
through this intensely powerful spiritual
sojourn, I have to find him.

I'm not alone, halleluyah, and I know that
thousands of other brothers and sisters,
are experiencing the same exact thing,
maybe more intensely.

I was always a horror genre film noir
fan, and nothing science fiction, or
profoundly scary, can compare to the
terror of recognizing the Lord of hosts,
heading right at us.

He's been here all along, but,
Christians were probably praying
on the wrong day.

A Sabbath is a sabbath by his
decree, not ours. I think this
error is pretty serious.

It's a joke to see the division in
the Church of God, arguing like
the other is better or worse
over mundane things, when
the big errors, according
to his judgement to the
7 churches, were the
MYSTERY RELIGION of
Babylon the Whore.

This is a riddle, that's
been unsolved, despite
all the seminaries, combined.

They all still call another day
the Sabbath. And I feel pretty
grieved at the poverty of the
soul, during this decadent
and sinful time of year,
validated by the name
of the Lamb of God,
the Messiah,
Jesus.

Praise you Lord, for your glory.
Forgive us for our weariness
deafness and blindness. Let us
hear your voice. Let us see
you, and please forgive our
abundant sins.

Man cannot justify himself
to a perfect Creator. My
knees are weak, and I
cannot stand on my feet
when I think about seeing
you face to face, Hashem
Adonai.

I confess to my emotional
breakdown when it comes
to understanding what's
going to happen. Through
the Word, we are given
your wisdom and light.

Yet, what do we see when
the lights are on? I see a
scary place, and I'm scared
of everything sometimes.

I should have more confidence
and faith, yet, fear is something
that only true connection to
the Holy Spirit can appease.

The less of me, the more of
Christ. I want to fade away
to be born again looking like
an apostle. In my soul, I can see
him. I know I am not worthy
to touch the laces of his
sandals. Yet, he's also
sympathetic to our
imfirmities, even our
sins.

Thank you Jesus, for bearing
my stripes, and the stripes of
all my people, Jew and Christian,
and everyone else. The Creator
is the God of all, of every spec
of dust is his.

Thank you for being the LOGOS,
and the Living Word. Thank you
for letting us feel that bond, and
share it with everyone.

Please have mercy on this world,
and every person suffering, in
pain, hungering in belly and soul.
Lord, we are famished and ashamed.
We strut around proudly, like we
own this place.

Have mercy, and forgive us.
You promised to forgive all
who come to you in faith.

As we get closer, help us to
understand your word. Help
us to see the angels all around
us.

Thank you for the angels.
Thank you for life.

Praise your Holy Name.
Barak Hashem Adonai

We long to know your
new name.